Hi guys um this is just a good rant of how I’m feeling today forgive me cause my grammar nor my punition is going to be correct just because I’m saying what’s on my mind and how I’m feeling. Today was a mix day for me because i had a good day overall but at the same time i for those who don’t know i am celibate since (proclaim) the top of the year and i am trying to practice Romans 12:1-3 well the mix or the not so good part comes in because i have been feeling so convicted i have been allowing not so innocent thoughts to consume me to think the inevitable. I know you guys are like well what’s the big freaken deal? The big deal is I have been mentally happy since I did this it has tooken a load off of me. I don’t have to think about a lot of things that use to wreck my brain. For instance it use to be oh do I look fat? Does he really care about me? Why am I doing this? Even though I have not been with a lot of ppl sex was just becoming a thing that was making me hard (like a guy) as far as emotions I would find myself not wanting anything to do with the man that I was intimate with and I would get what I wanted and leave and he would never hear from me again and so I decided that maybe deep down inside that wasn’t what I wanted I didn’t want my view of true intimacy ruin so I decided to keep it lock for a year well its six months into that year and I am hitting some bumps in the road. There is this guy that I am really liking and here it is he don’t want to compromise on intimacy (smh) and I am having a real tough time coping with this so I have been letting my thoughts wonder about how it would really be and that has took a negative effect on things cause I just feel that is just too early to even be thinking about that. It’s really wearing me down on the spiritual side cause Romans 12: 1 says “present yourself a living sacrifice" and I just feel if I’m off in la la land how am I doing that. I mean I know I’m human but it still is bothersome any who this is just my thoughts guys until next time
xoxoxo
femininebeauti
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